A Struggle

I think I’ve tried to write this post seven or eight times over the last few days.  But it feels like there’s lead in my fingers, and sand in my heart.

I know everything started before Friday.  But it wasn’t until Friday that it really hit home.  It wasn’t until Friday where, watching CNN footage of Egypt in an uproar, buildings burning, clouds of tear gas drifting over the October 6 Bridge in Cairo.  People shouting and blocking the Corniche in Alexandria that it sank in.

It wasn’t until the internet was shut down, and we lost touch with our family, that I began to panic.

It wasn’t until much later, through a scratchy phone call that managed to hang on just long enough to hear “We’re okay.  We’re staying inside.” That I managed to break down into tears.

I’ve had some friends, who’ve been right there with me.  Who called me as soon as they heard.  Who shared my fears, who asked after my family.  Who let me just cry like an idiot over Skype or SL Voice.

I’ve spent hours trying to explain the why to people who have never lived there, who can’t fully understand the scope of the political ramifications.. why this matters, why it’s so important.  And then hours with people who do understand on some level, and who I could get into the higher reasoning with.  But my brain just won’t go there today.  Today, I just want people to have enough food to eat.

Today I just couldn’t bother to do much to my Av.  I knew I should pick a different skin, or a different hairstyle.  Maybe some new eyes?  A dress might have been nice.  Maybe I should have found a sweater and shirt and jeans in the black, white and red of Egypt’s flag.

The charm of being worried over the Crisis in Egypt is starting to wear off for some people who know me.  I know my family is alive and safe, right?  That should be enough.

Alhamdullilah it is enough, and yet, I am human enough to ask for more.  I ask for a country that does not pretend at democracy to appease the West.  I ask for an economy that does not inflate the prices of basic human needs while not supplying the additional income to supply them.  I ask for the safety of those brave enough to step forward and fill the streets, peaceful but purposeful in their intent to bring about long over due change.  I ask for wisdom to shed a light on those presently in power, to truly listen to the people who make Egypt what it is.  I ask those whose intentions are violent to stop and not let selfishness diminish the gravity of the message.  I ask the world to turn their eyes on Egypt and not take them away, not get bored with the message, to hear it, to repeat it, to support it.

I ask you to look upon Egypt not as a distant nation in a distant land.  But as your brothers and your sisters.  As the nation that has fostered modern thought throughout the ages.  As the mother of the ideal and freedoms you hold so close to your heart.  I ask, shouldn’t this country have those things too?  Not the illusion of them, but the real ideas the real freedoms.

My every thought.  My Every Prayer right now is there with them, in the streets and in the homes, with my brothers and my sisters.  I ask you.  Do not look away.

Sweater: Dutch Touch – Knitted Jumper Grey Green

Turtleneck: Dutch Touch – top TurleNeck nr 13

Jeans: Dutch Touch – Basic Jeans nr 2

Skin – Tuli – Jade tone 3

Hair: Truth – Milla – Chocolate

Eyes:  Poetic Colors – Cool Night

Skybox: nordari – snow.white

Grass: Organica

Bridge: Glitterati